WHAT DO YOU DO WITH BIG FEELINGS?
Emotional regulation is a leadership skill.
I’ve been following Dr. Marc Brackett’s work on emotional intelligence and his book Dealing with Feeling, and one idea keeps coming back to me: We all have emotions. The skill is learning what to do with them.
That sounds simple. In practice, I see leaders struggle with it all the time. A meeting gets tense, and frustration turns into impatience. Someone challenges an idea and defensiveness takes over. Pressure builds, and suddenly a leader who is normally thoughtful becomes reactive, abrupt or shuts down completely.
The emotion itself isn’t necessarily the problem. It’s what happens next.
Brackett’s work emphasizes the importance of recognizing, understanding, labeling, expressing, and ultimately regulating our emotions. That last piece matters enormously in leadership.
Emotional regulation doesn’t mean pretending you aren’t angry, disappointed, or anxious. It doesn’t mean becoming emotionless. It means creating enough space between what you feel and what you do to choose a response that actually helps. Because your team feels the difference.
A leader’s emotional state can change the temperature of an entire room. People notice the sigh. The sharp response. The silence. The body language. Self-awareness lets you recognize what’s happening. Emotional regulation lets you decide what happens next.
The next time you feel yourself reacting, try asking:
What am I feeling right now and what response will serve this situation best? That small pause can be a powerful leadership tool.
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