Want Better Conversations? Ask Better Questions.
The question you ask can change the conversation you have.
I recently watched a TED Talk by bestselling author Vanessa Van Edwards about the questions we ask when we're trying to connect with people.
Think about some of our defaults:
How are you?Been busy?What's new?
We ask them automatically and usually get automatic answers in return. Van Edwards suggests changing the question.
Instead of:
“Been busy lately?”
Try:
“Working on anything exciting lately?”
It's a small shift, but think about where each question takes you.
Ask someone if they're busy, and they'll probably start thinking about deadlines, meetings, problems, and everything still sitting on their to-do list.
Ask what they're excited about, and suddenly you're having a very different conversation.
There's an important leadership lesson in that. The questions we ask our people don't just help us gather information. They influence where people direct their attention.
Instead of “Any problems?” try:
“What's working well right now?”
Instead of “How's the project going?” try:
“What part of the project are you most excited about?”
And instead of “Do you need anything from me?” try:
“What's one thing I could do that would make your job easier this week?”
Better questions lead to better conversations. And better conversations help us understand the people we're leading.
What question could you ask differently today?
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