You Don't Have to Pretend You're Fine
Being honest about how you're feeling doesn't make you less of a leader.
I recently watched a clip from Marc Brackett, Founder and Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, that really resonated with me.
He talked about something I see often in my own work with leaders: the belief that leadership means projecting strength—even when you're stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed.
I've probably been guilty of it myself.
When you're responsible for a team, there's an instinct to reassure everyone: I've got this. Everything's fine.
But there's a difference between providing stability and pretending you're unaffected by what's happening around you.
Brackett described learning to be honest with his team about feeling anxious during the pandemic while also sharing what he was doing to manage those feelings - walking, exercising, talking with friends, and focusing on what he could control.
I think that's an important distinction.
Emotional regulation isn't hiding the emotion. It's deciding what you do with it.
As leaders, we can say, “Yes, this is difficult. I'm feeling it too.” And then we can demonstrate what comes next.
For me, that might mean getting outside, going for a run or bike ride, spending time with my family, or simply stepping away long enough to get some perspective.
Your team doesn't need you to be emotionless. They need to see that difficult emotions can be acknowledged, managed, and moved through. That's not a failure of resilience.
That's what resilience looks like.
Comments